Sternberg's triangular Theory of love
Love is probably the most widely used word. If we type “love” in Google we’ll get more than 1,980,000,000 results. It is how popular this word is. But what love is? Sometimes we overuse a word and its meaning paradoxically getting vaguer. If we ask one hundred people on the streets we barely will get two same definitions close enough. Phenomenon of love was discussed for thousands of years and there is no end of this discussions coming soon. However, there are many definitions of love. The citation above is a poetic definitions of love from the Bible, for example. There are other ways to group love by types. One of the ways to classify love types was introduced by Robert Sternberg, who created Triangular Theory of Love.
"According to triangular theory of love, love has three components:
(a) intimacy, which encompasses the feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness one experiences in loving relationships;
(b) passion, which encompasses the drives that lead to romance,physical attraction, and sexual consummation; and
(c) decision/commitment, which encompasses, in the short term, the decision that one loves another, and in the long term, the commitment to maintain that love. The amount of love one experiences depends on the absolute strength of these three components, and the kind of love one experiences depends on their strengths relative to each other. The three components interact with each other and with the actions that they produce and that produce them so as to form a number of different kinds of loving experiences. The triangular theory of love subsumes certain other theories and can account for a number of empirical findings in the research literature, as well as for a number of experiences with which many are familiar firsthand. It is proposed that the triangular theory provides a rather comprehensive basis for understanding many aspects of the love that underlies close relationships." (Sternberg, R. "A Triangular Theory of Love."<Http://content2.learntoday.info/, n.d. Web. 28 June 2014. <http://content2.learntoday.info/>.)
"According to triangular theory of love, love has three components:
(a) intimacy, which encompasses the feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness one experiences in loving relationships;
(b) passion, which encompasses the drives that lead to romance,physical attraction, and sexual consummation; and
(c) decision/commitment, which encompasses, in the short term, the decision that one loves another, and in the long term, the commitment to maintain that love. The amount of love one experiences depends on the absolute strength of these three components, and the kind of love one experiences depends on their strengths relative to each other. The three components interact with each other and with the actions that they produce and that produce them so as to form a number of different kinds of loving experiences. The triangular theory of love subsumes certain other theories and can account for a number of empirical findings in the research literature, as well as for a number of experiences with which many are familiar firsthand. It is proposed that the triangular theory provides a rather comprehensive basis for understanding many aspects of the love that underlies close relationships." (Sternberg, R. "A Triangular Theory of Love."<Http://content2.learntoday.info/, n.d. Web. 28 June 2014. <http://content2.learntoday.info/>.)
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Following clip represents a romantic love, which is a fusion of intimacy and passion. The singer admits,
"Hot summer nights, mid July
When you and I were forever wild
The crazy days, city lights
The way you'd play with me like a child..
Hot summer days, rock 'n' roll
The way you play for me at your show"... - this a description of romantic love.
She worries about how long this beautiful romantic love will last, asking herself and giving herself an answer,
"Will you still love me
When I'm no longer young and beautiful?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will?" (#)
This is an example of romantic love with lack of commitment; and what she is asking about is actually this missing part - commitment.
"Hot summer nights, mid July
When you and I were forever wild
The crazy days, city lights
The way you'd play with me like a child..
Hot summer days, rock 'n' roll
The way you play for me at your show"... - this a description of romantic love.
She worries about how long this beautiful romantic love will last, asking herself and giving herself an answer,
"Will you still love me
When I'm no longer young and beautiful?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will?" (#)
This is an example of romantic love with lack of commitment; and what she is asking about is actually this missing part - commitment.
love types
"Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible - it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could."
Barbara de Angelis
Sternberg wasn't the first one who tried to classify love by types. At a certain point, long time ago, philosophers and thinkers were able to figure some definitions out and even classify love by different types. The first ones were ancient Greeks who broke all love into four types and had a special word for each of these types. agápe, éros, philía, and storgē.” Later on, in XX century those concepts were takes, developed by psychologists and are now used as commonly accepted classification of love. As presented by K. Hunters, PhD, these types include the following: Eros, Ludus, Storge, Pragma, Mania, Agape. (Hunter, K. "Lecture 1. Nonverbal communication." DVC Campus, Pleasant Hill. 26 June 2014. Lecture.) Fig.16 illustrates this.
- Eros, romantic, passionate love; where physical attractiveness matters.
- Ludus - game-playing love; playful but self-controlled and managed love.
- Storge – friendship love; it is peaceful and slow growing, often lacks intensity and passion.
- Pragma – shopping-list love; practical and traditional, where values logic over feelings. This type love rarely deteriorates.
- Mania – possessive/dependent, obsessive and jealous love; elations and depressions are usual, extreme highs and lows.
- Agape – Selfless, gentle, caring, giving love, without expecting reciprocity.
In the final scene Some like it Hot we can enjoy the clear example of another love type - Mania.
I will focus on couple Osgood - Jerry.
"Jerry: Oh no!(...) Osgood, I'm gonna level with you. We can't get married at all.
Osgood: Why not?
Jerry: Well, in the first place, I'm not a natural blonde.
Osgood: Doesn't matter.
Jerry: I smoke! I smoke all the time!
Osgood: I don't care.
Jerry: Well, I have a terrible past. For three years now, I've been living with a saxophone player.
Osgood: I forgive you.
Jerry: [tragically] I can never have children!
Osgood: We can adopt some.
Jerry: But you don't understand, Osgood! Ohh...
[Jerry finally gives up and pulls off his wig]
Jerry: [normal voice] I'm a man!
Osgood: [shrugs] Well, nobody's perfect! " (#)
Osgood has a mania, obsessive type of love towards Jerry. Nothing matters for him but love. Nothing can scare him off; even when Jerry reveals that he is a man, Osgood is totally fine with that. This fact really is not important for him - as said, only love matters, which results in a comic effect for us movie watchers).
I will focus on couple Osgood - Jerry.
"Jerry: Oh no!(...) Osgood, I'm gonna level with you. We can't get married at all.
Osgood: Why not?
Jerry: Well, in the first place, I'm not a natural blonde.
Osgood: Doesn't matter.
Jerry: I smoke! I smoke all the time!
Osgood: I don't care.
Jerry: Well, I have a terrible past. For three years now, I've been living with a saxophone player.
Osgood: I forgive you.
Jerry: [tragically] I can never have children!
Osgood: We can adopt some.
Jerry: But you don't understand, Osgood! Ohh...
[Jerry finally gives up and pulls off his wig]
Jerry: [normal voice] I'm a man!
Osgood: [shrugs] Well, nobody's perfect! " (#)
Osgood has a mania, obsessive type of love towards Jerry. Nothing matters for him but love. Nothing can scare him off; even when Jerry reveals that he is a man, Osgood is totally fine with that. This fact really is not important for him - as said, only love matters, which results in a comic effect for us movie watchers).
The most known example of Another love type - Agape - is Jesus, who died for people to save them.
The famous writer Janusz Korczak is another example of a person having Agape, and he is a real hero. On 5 or 6 August 1942, 192 orphans from an orphanage where he was a principal, were transported to Treblinka extermination camp. Korczak had been offered sanctuary but turned it down repeatedly, saying that he could not abandon his children. On August, 6th he again refused chance to save himself, stating that he would go with the children. He stayed with the children all the way until the death in gas chamber. |
Social EXCHANGE THEORY
The following example provide a demonstration of these concepts. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are appropriate model to these concepts more clearly.
Benefits for Katie (for example) are: carrier boost, money and bonus if she has a baby.
Tom's gains: a child and no more fay rumors.
Costs might be: less freedom, marriage limitations, need to work out if conflicts appears, comparison level of alternative choices. It seem that this cost-benefit proportion worked for 5 years for Tom and Katie. When costs whatever they were, become greater than rewards, the couple divorced.
Benefits for Katie (for example) are: carrier boost, money and bonus if she has a baby.
Tom's gains: a child and no more fay rumors.
Costs might be: less freedom, marriage limitations, need to work out if conflicts appears, comparison level of alternative choices. It seem that this cost-benefit proportion worked for 5 years for Tom and Katie. When costs whatever they were, become greater than rewards, the couple divorced.
Another example we see in The Wolf of Wall Street Scene, where divorce fight scene gives us an idea of what happens when marriage rewards for Naomi (Money, luxury, careless and easy life) become at some point less important than marriage's costs (Jordan's infidelity, his crazy life and risks related to this, his drinking, problems with FBI). At this point, when costs became more significant than rewards, she decided to divorce and he could not change her mind, which resulted in a classic conflict with arguments, physical fighting, and even an attempt to kidnap his own child.